How to Focus on Self Compassion

The end of a rough winter season can sometimes cause frustration, inner criticism, and exhaustion. But instead of telling yourself: “I’ll feel better in spring,” why not start reversing this trend now. The reward will be for you, and also for your loved ones. Kristin Neff, leading researcher in self compassion, shares “Having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness. Things will not always go the way you want them to go. You will encounter frustrations, incur losses, make mistakes, bump up against your limitations, and fall short of your ideals. This is the human condition…a reality shared by all of us. The more you open your heart to this reality instead of constantly fighting against it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and all your fellow humans in the experience of life.”’ Have you made or kept many plans this year? No? We can relate. But, let’s change that. One plan you can make and keep during this intense time is your self care. Feed your spirit by quieting your inner critic, embracing mindfulness, and reinforcing your rest and recharge button. Here’s how to start now: Quiet Inner Critic You know the voice, right? It nags…“I can’t believe you said that.” Or, “You look so fat in those pants.” Or, “You’re never going to get an invite to that meeting/party/event.” The inner critic is relentless! We talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to a friend. I have heard some say that self-criticism is what motivates them. Instead, we should go with a shot of encouragement over criticism any day for lasting motivation.  Moods are directly connected to our thought patterns. If you exclusively pour in negative self-talk, criticism, and judgment, it will be difficult to feel happy or calm—which then hinders our ability to be productive and provide love to ourselves and others. I am not discounting productive criticism, but how one goes about the process is the key. Detach from harshness and embrace a more positive approach. Allowing your inner critic and negative self-talk to be in charge increases overall anxiety and depression.   Begin by noticing how often your inner voice goes in this unhelpful direction. Journaling can assist this process when you’re in a negative spiral. It can be difficult and unrealistic to jump quickly from the extreme of a negative mood to the extreme of a positive one. Start with something more neutral such as “I will figure this out”, “I am able to try a new plan”, or “I can trust myself.”  Think of how you would respond to a friend in need of a boost in confidence. Now, extend yourself the same gift. Embrace Mindfulness I know you keep seeing this recommendation over and over. The reason why you cannot get away from mindfulness meditation is simple—the research overwhelmingly supports this habit in any stress-reducing and self-care plan. Jon Kabat- Zinn, developer of MBSR (Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction), shares research stating, “There is a strong link between meditation, positive emotions, and a healthier immune system.”  I hear clients say all the time, “I can’t meditate because my mind never stops!” This is not about clearing your mind and having no thoughts. Mindfulness is about noticing, helping to break common rumination cycles we find ourselves in, and interrupting our knee-jerk reactions to life.  The goal is finding a stillness and quiet within you. You take in so much information every day.  Between the news cycle, social media, or family and friends, plan the time to sift through the noise and find your inner quiet. You make better decisions from this place, connect deeper to loved ones, and work more productively. There are numerous videos online to help you walk through a guided meditation or experiment with an app.  I like to simply set a timer on my phone for five minutes, and just sit and focus on my breath going in and out.   Reinforce rest and recharge There are many ways to go about recharging your batteries. Start with asking yourself, “What would make me feel better today?”  It is important to get in touch with how you’re truly feeling. Perhaps it’s more rest, cultivating connections with others, or extending yourself some patience which will be nurturing at that moment.  Pure isolation is not beneficial for mental health. Extend yourself some patience and grace right now. We’re all in this together, although everyone’s exact circumstance looks different. Let’s face it, all of our lives have been turned upside down. It would be abnormal for you not to feel somewhere between uneasy and completely overwhelmed. Acknowledge wherever you are today, and also acknowledge that this moment will not last forever. Author Shauna Niequist encourages us by saying, “Now I know that the best thing I can offer this world is not my force or energy, but a well-tended spirit, and a wise and brave soul.”  If you can tweak a few of your daily practices to tend to your spirit, not only will you be brave to face the day, but it will be contagious to those around you to do the same.   (Image: Shutterstock)

Forget Resolutions: Here are 3 Goals for Health and Happiness in the New Year

New year, new you! Looking at you, girl, with all your best intentions wrapped around you like a warm and cozy blanket. I bet you’re thinking it’s time for a revamp—and you’re not entirely wrong. If you think I’m going to write about setting New Year’s resolutions, you are wrong. Contrary to popular belief, while I am a goal-setter extraordinaire, I am not big on New Year’s resolutions. Why is that, you ask? Well, read on to find out. Focus on Consistency Instead of Resolutions With the holidays and their indulgences just behind us, we often enter the new year looking to undo all the damage we’ve inflicted on ourselves. Some of us believe that we can transform all that indulgence with a few simple resolutions. But it’s rarely that simple. The thing about resolutions is that the best thing they’re good for is to be broken. And a broken resolution only sets you up for a whole lotta disappointment and frustration. Who needs that? None of us, that’s who—especially as we look ahead to all the possibilities of a new year! That’s why I like to think about resolutions in a different way. The key is to shift your thinking to focus on consistency. If you stay consistent with your healthy habits day to day, you don’t just avoid the holiday overindulgences, but you also avoid all the mental baggage that comes with jumping off the healthy bandwagon. (Btw, I’m a big fan of the concept of “conscious indulgence,” where you allow yourself to indulge in things that genuinely bring you joy or that you truly love, without going overboard. That sets you up for a healthier mindset entirely.) RELATED: Why We Should Stop Using The Words ‘Moderation’, ‘Willpower’ and ‘Guilt’ So now that we have that straight, let me tell you what goals (not resolutions!) you can focus on to begin the new year in the best place possible. Below I share three goals to set you up for a happy, prosperous and healthy new year. 3 Goals for Health, Happiness and Prosperity in the New Year Look to the Past for Inspiration As the new year begins, I actually want you to look to the past. Take a look at what has worked for you and what hasn’t previously, and learn from it. If, for example, you’ve always been a breakfast lover, then taking up an intermittent fasting lifestyle in 2025 is not for you. If you’ve always loved a good cardio workout to boost the endorphins and get your mojo on, then maybe skip the yoga sesh for a dance cardio class in the new year. If you love the meditative powers of restorative yoga, then forego that HIIT workout for some deep breathing and stretching, stat! Or if you’re a night owl, then don’t schedule that important meeting or appointment first thing in the morning. You get my point. Work with what works best for you—and set yourself up for success by setting realistic goals that suit your lifestyle. Focus on What You Can Do vs. Not Do Health and happiness go hand in hand, and the health benefits of a positive attitude have been well-documented. That’s why this new year, I want you to focus on what you can do versus what you can’t. The positive energy will take you far. RELATED: 5 Ways to Cultivate Optimism for More Happiness If you’re choosing to swap in some greens for lunch and forego chips for a quick snack fix, think about how you absolutely can add greens to your lunch, rather than how you can’t eat those chips. Or maybe it means saying “yes” to getting to bed an hour earlier for more restorative sleep rather than thinking, “Bummer, I can’t stay up for one more episode of this TV show I’ve been bingeing because I really need to get more sleep.” Positive thinking begins with this self-talk, so keep practicing. Check yourself when negative thoughts arise and counter them with positive ones, and you’ll be on your way to making 2022 the year of, “I CAN!” Now, come up with three simple lifestyle tweaks that will enhance your well-being, which you can easily incorporate into your day and that suit your life. Forget about what you’re giving up and focus on what you’re gaining. Write your new wellness goals down, and start doing them … today. RELATED: If You Want to Lose Weight and Be Healthier and Happier, Nutrition Is Just the Beginning Beyond Food: What Else Needs Cleansing? If the eight pillars of a Nutritious Life have shown us anything it’s that food choices alone do not make us healthy or unhealthy. No amount of healthy eating can negate the effects of toxic habits we acquire through the years. This is why I suggest that you sit down and make a list of all the toxic behaviors you engage in (we all do, there’s no shame!), and then think about each one and how it may be sabotaging your wellness goals. Are you a sugar junkie? If so, consider what too much sugar does to your body and motivate yourself to cut down on added sugar this year—and maybe you’ll lose a few pounds in the process. If the pandemic has given you—like so many others—a new reason to start boozing, then maybe it’s time to consider a little new year’s detox (Dry January, anyone?) RELATED: Why I Had to Break Up With Alcohol to Get Healthy Of course, drinking too much alcohol can leave you feeling tired and dehydrated—the two are totally interrelated. If you’re dehydrated, you’re not going to have energy to get through the day (let alone kill it at work, get in a HIIT class, and make a healthy dinner for the kids.) And lack of sleep can then lead to consuming too much caffeine in the morning for a fake burst of energy. And all these toxins put a load on your liver, your body’s main organ

Why Bad Words Can Make You Fat

Sayings like “having willpower”, “eating in moderation”, and “guilt free” are thrown around all of the time. They’re generally thought to help you, to guide you in the right direction when it comes to eating healthy. But rather than empowering, inspiring, and helping you achieve your health goals, what if I told you that this “inspiration” might actually be sabotaging your valiant efforts towards becoming your healthiest self? These terms—dare I say “bad words”—are used…overused…even abused! And they can be detrimental when it comes to supporting your weight goals and even your happiness. For my clients, I find that these terms are too vague, are negative energy, cause them to think about and focus on unhealthy foods even more, and at some point, put them in a losing situation. While these words don’t have to be completely thrown out of your vocabulary, it’s important to realize how even simple words can have a huge effect on your health. Why Bad Words Can Make You Fat