The Performance-Boosting Power of Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk isn’t just an athlete’s secret weapon. Decades of research shows that positive self-talk boosts performance, builds mental toughness, and regulates emotions whenever you take on a challenging task. Can we use our thoughts in a high-stakes moment to better our performance? For this, we can turn to the sports psychology field for some coaching. What does science say about positive self-talk? I’m not an athlete, but I’ve always admired athletes for their total focus and ability to perform under pressure. When Stephen Curry makes his game-deciding free throws, I imagine time slows down for him and everything extraneous is filtered out. But I also wonder—is there anything else going through his head in that moment? Does he say something to himself to make the magic happen? Maybe he does! It turns out that positive self-talk is an athlete’s secret weapon. A 2020 study of three 800-meter runners found that using self-talk consistently made them run faster and feel mentally tougher. They didn’t necessarily think their speed was any different, but their performances spoke for themselves. How to Make Positive Self-Talk Work for You Positive self-talk is exactly what it sounds like—you literally talk to yourself in a motivating, encouraging, and confidence-boosting way. You might even add some coaching instructions. (Think Mohammed Ali and “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!”) Now, whether you’re an athlete or not, you can try this method for yourself next time you’re about to make a tie-breaking serve or give a career-changing presentation. Here’s how to put positive self-talk to work for you. 1. Start early. Positive effects are especially strong when you’re a novice. Gigi Fernandez is a retired and celebrated tennis player with seventeen Grand Slam doubles titles and two Olympic gold medals. Earlier in her career, she and her coach came up with computerized self-talk exercises to help her redirect her negative self-talk. This helped her to stay focused and relaxed on the court. But you don’t need to be a Tennis Hall of Famer to use this performance booster. In fact, a big review of a few dozen self-talk sports studies found that this method was more consistently effective for novice and youth athletes than for competition-level athletes. It’s not that positive self-talk harmed elite athletes, it just didn’t show benefit as often. 2. When the task is simple, keep the self-talk simple: just tell yourself you can do it. Don’t worry, your motivational self-talk doesn’t have to be as eloquent as the speech Coach Herb Brooks (played by Kurt Russell) gives to the U.S. Olympic Hockey Team in the 2004 film Miracle. Just keep it simple. Especially if what you’re about to do is a straightforward action with lots of muscle memory behind it, like running a 100-meter dash or throwing a dart. You just have to hype yourself up a bit. In fact, one of the original self-talk experiments simply told people to tell themselves either, “you can do it” or, “you can’t do it” before throwing darts. You can guess which type of self-talk put the darts closer to the bullseye! Why does this work? These simple, motivational self-talk phrases slightly increase your heart rate, but otherwise reduce sudden changes in your heart rate. This is basically keying up your body for performance while keeping you steady—exactly what you need for a boost. 3. When the task is complex or new, talk yourself through what to do. Sometimes, it’s helpful to get more specific than, “you can do it.” If you’re doing a complex task or something you’ve never done before, talk yourself through the steps as if you’re your own instructional video. In one study, novice golfers who gave themselves instructional self-talk ended up with superior putting technique compared to when they tried to hype themselves up with motivation. This could be due to their self-talk cueing up a brain activity pattern associated with top-down control, which you need when learning something new or doing something complicated. 4. Don’t just wait for your inner voice to start talking—do it actively. NFL players have been caught using self-talk on the field. One thing you’ll notice about the way they do it is how deliberate they are. They don’t just react when something goes well or gets messed up. Instead, they’re giving themselves pep talks while warming up, on the bench, or when they’re about to start a down. There’s a good reason for this. In stressful situations, like when something makes them anxious or angry, athletes’ spontaneous self-talk tends to be negative. On the other hand, if they’re not waiting for their own automatic reactions, but rather, proactively using self-talk, the message tends to be more positive and motivating. So don’t wait for your inner voice to come up with encouragement. Feed it to yourself before your big moment on stage, on the field, or in the conference room. 5. Talk to yourself in the third person for better emotion regulation. This one is my favorite. Although I’m not an athlete, I’m definitely someone who talks out loud to herself in the third person. This can sound silly, but psychological science supports this practice! A brain imaging study showed that when you think about a bad memory or see something aversive, talking to yourself in the third person activates your self-control brain areas less than if you talk in the first person. This means that you need to use less self-control to regulate emotions when you say, “Hey Jade, it’s OK. You’ve got this,” compared to, “I’ve got this.” This effect might happen because third person self-talk creates a slight illusion that you’re talking to someone else, which provides enough psychological distance to make emotion regulation easier. And when it comes to emotion regulation in high-stakes situations, any help we can get is a good thing. A version of this article was originally published on Quick and Dirty Tips. Learn More About the Fascinating Link Between Nutrition and Brain Health Improving your cognitive and

Are You an Empath? Signs and Traits to Look For in Yourself and Others

  You know that saying, “You can’t understand someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes?” For an empath, this statement might not be entirely true. Empaths are sometimes described as people with a rare and metaphysical ability to experience the emotional, physical or spiritual state of another being as if they were in it themselves. In other words, empaths don’t just put themselves in another’s shoes. Rather, they have the ability to understand and absorb the feelings, sensations and other intangible connections of those around them — and often can’t help themselves from doing so. We know, it sounds a little crazy, right? But researchers have actually determined that there are these things called “mirror neurons” in our brains and that they help us to copy or “mirror” what the people we come in contact with are experiencing. Studies show that some people have more of these mirror neurons in their brains than others, which could explain the “empath” phenomenon.  Can you imagine the weight of taking on the burdens and pain of others, and not being able to shut it off? If you’re an empath, maybe you can. Types of Empaths The science is still out on whether empaths truly exist, but according to Judith Orloff, MD, a psychiatrist and author of “The Empath’s Guide To Survival: Life Strategies for Sensitive People,” there are three types of empaths. Physical Empath A physical empath is especially in tune with someone’s physical state of being. They might feel a similar sense of pain in their body to what a close friend is experiencing. They might absorb any number of a person’s physical symptoms, good or bad. Because many empaths feel unable to avoid taking on the pain of others, they can often feel sick and acquire symptoms seemingly out of nowhere. They are sometimes misdiagnosed with illnesses like chronic depression, panic disorders, and more. Emotional Empath An emotional empath is more closely connected to another person’s feelings and emotions, and will feel their feelings in real-time. Beyond simply understanding the sadness or anger, they will feel it firsthand. There is often a sense that they are drawn to these feelings and can’t control their tendency to do so. Intuitive Empath Intuitive empaths are believed to have uber intuition, almost like a sense of telepathy. Their “gut feelings” appear to be predictive of the future, and their communication skills are almost uncanny. Some intuitive empaths claim they have the ability to understand and communicate with animals, plants, and even those who have passed.  Common Traits of an Empath There are several traits and behaviors that most empaths share and display. If you’re wondering if you or someone in your life might be considered an empath, here are a few key signs to watch for: Tend to Avoid Intimacy Empaths often feel overwhelmed by having close connections with other people on a regular basis. As you might imagine, this can potentially create some challenges in a romantic relationship. That certainly doesn’t mean an empath can’t or won’t succeed in a relationship. It might just require a bit more effort! They Have Extraordinary Intuition Does your best friend always know when you’re upset, even if you’re trying to fight it like crazy? Does your spouse know when you’re telling a white lie, even if you’ve got your best poker face on? Empaths have this uncanny ability to pick up on the tiniest cues, even the slightest facial expressions. It’s almost as if they can see right through you. They Avoid Confrontation For an empath, confrontation is super uncomfortable, so you may notice they will avoid it at all costs. They may also try to keep or create peace where there is conflict because they dislike conflict so much. Know someone who’s always changing the subject when things get tense? They might be an empath. Have Difficulty Setting Boundaries Do you know someone who always says “yes” to your invitations, and always seems to agree to do things, whether or not they really want to? Empaths are known to find it difficult to set boundaries, likely because of their tendency to avoid conflict and confrontation. They want to please everyone whenever possible, so you won’t often hear them saying, “no.” Frequently Seek Solitude Do you know someone who cancels plans often, or passes on girls’ night out? An empath might go out of their way to avoid large groups of people, or maybe they will just limit their time spent around others. Because they take on the emotions and other symptoms of those they care about and spend time with, they often need extra alone time to recharge. They may not necessarily be an introvert, but they’ll have many similar traits.  Highly Sensitive … to Everything Do you know someone who is always commenting on how loud things are, or how strong a smell is? Maybe they feel sensations more than others or are emotionally affected by certain sounds. They are also often very emotionally sensitive and tend to have their feelings hurt quite easily. The Importance of Self-Care We all have times in our lives when we feel overwhelmed with the world. It’s only natural. Whether you think you’re a full-blown empath or just have a lot of similarities, we highly recommend making time for self-care in your life in order to minimize the emotional and physical stress that taking on the burdens of others often causes.

Find Your Argument Style

All couples have different ways of communicating when they disagree. Some yell at each other. Others bicker. Some give the “silent treatment.” Still, other couples just don’t engage which kicks-the-can farther down the road (to be dealt with eventually). Too often, conflicts become a contest of wills to see who is right and who is wrong. They bring up old wounds and tear at insecurities all in the name of winning.  But, here is the flip side—happily married couples have arguments. Yes, happy marriages can even have full-on fights. It’s important to note that couples have different styles of conflict. No one style is better than another, but the style has to work for both people in the relationship. If one wants to talk it through logically and the other wants to scream, retreat, and watch the playoffs, there’s going to be more friction. In the strongest marriages, couples support each other’s hopes and aspirations and build a sense of purpose in their lives together. And, no matter how they fight, they fight fair.   When a marriage fails to do this—to support, nurture and grow—the relationship devolves into useless realms of arguments driven by their egos. This leads to isolation which can then lead to pain, sadness, loneliness, and sometimes the demise of the marriage.  Disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences. It’s important to understand what’s causing the conflict. If you don’t understand the cause of the conflict (and in the heat of the moment, we usually don’t), always honor and respect each other as you discover the cause. UNDERSTAND YOUR ANGER Before a fight goes too far, ask yourself these questions: What is the ultimate outcome that I wish to achieve?  Is it to feel empowered?  Is it to feel heard?  Is it to get respect? Is it to let that person know how incredibly angry I am? Is my anger, whether it’s in rage or in silence, going to get me the outcome I desire? ESTABLISH YOUR RULES OF ARGUMENT ENGAGEMENT All couples need to establish their “Rules of Engagement.”  You need to make up rules together. Sit down and decide how you are going to fight. Seriously, talk it out! There is one cardinal rule which should always be honored during an argument, and that is to never “hit below the belt.” In other words…aim to be heard and not to hurt.   Words have power. Once unleashed, they can be a verbal dagger through the heart. Maybe the wound will heal, but the scar is a constant reminder of what was said. Over time, those angry words can damage what Kabbalists call the “oneness of marriage’s union.” The more positive things we do and say, both to and about each other, the more positive the outcome. BOTTOM LINE: MAKE CHOICES TOGETHER The minute you no longer treat each other with dignity, respect, and love is the moment the oneness, trust, and intimacy between you becomes at risk and is shattered. Think about it. On the one hand, you’re supposed to be intimate and be the closest to this person.  On the other hand, you say the most incredibly hurtful things because you know their vulnerabilities. You have to make the decision that there are some places you should never go and some things that should never be said; and, you need to make that choice together. (photo credit: Shutterstock)

The He(Art) of Listening

This year, what if we commit to being more of a heartfelt listener? Imagine the impact that would make, if we all just listened a little more. Think about it… We learn when we listen. We expand when we listen. To listen is to love and to lead.  We grow and create space for courageous conversations, the kind we all need right now, when we listen. And, peace of mind comes when we listen with our heart.  The problem is that most people aren’t listening but merely waiting for their turn to speak (or talk over each other). So, we aren’t really hearing one another or honoring the kind of understanding that comes from deeply being with another.   As we open up to this new year ahead with so much turbulence that surrounds us, deep heartfelt listening has never been more important. But, to truly be a heartfelt listener, you need to tune into yourself and what’s happening in your heart. Listen with your heart rather than your head… Where Do We Begin? The shift from head to heart when listening is the key. So, start by creating a space to tune in and really listen. Your heart naturally has the capacity to recalibrate you and recognize your truth. And by space, I want you to pay attention to the mood, tone, and underlying energy of what is really being communicated beyond the words or what you’re thinking.  Pay attention to what you feel (in your heart) rather than listening for what you’re used to hearing (in your head).  The head keeps us in “autopilot listening” where we are subconsciously seeking things to validate what we already think. When we are more present, we can anchor within and witness what comes our way instead of being so quick to judge. DEVELOP HEART-BASED LISTENING Many of us live in the mind’s busy spin cycle. We are constantly over stressed and feeling stuck in that stress and negativity. I created HeartRise, a modern method of meditation and an empowering lifestyle, to change this. One way to start is our 4-step method that helps you to develop more heart-based listening. This is something you can apply every day.  Step 1: SEE with Heart Vision This means to observe what’s there without attaching meaning to it (HEAD). Step 2: FEEL with Heart Focus This is critical as it allows you to FEEL what’s there when you’re observing the trigger, behavior, idea, or circumstance that arises with your SEEing. Step 3: FREE with Heart Knowing This takes practice as it’s about letting go of what’s coming up with breath…moving through  the feelings to release them, and build the self-trust that it takes. Step 4: FLOW with Heart Wisdom This is where you really cultivate a deeper connection with Heartfelt listening. Once you’ve let go of what you’re holding, you’re that much more open to trust what’s coming up and through you. Again, with practice, you can build conviction and resilience so that your listening becomes more aligned with your truth rather than what you’ve been conditioned to think. YOUR EMOTIONS CAN GUIDE YOU Flow is a way of living where synchronicity and resonance move you, and you can lean in to listen more clearly, and go deeper when needed. Your emotions are gifts of guidance that can help you to tune in.  Instead of stuffing those feelings down and putting a brave face on, you can actually heal what you’ve been holding and listen more deeply by actually feeling your way through. The heart is attuned to another frequency (literally, an electromagnetic field). It is an invisible language of vibes that we can pick up and be guided by when we’re present to the mood, the tone, and the texture of what’s really being said beyond the obvious words and cues. Your feelings are energy wanting to be expressed when you learn how to safely experience them. With practice, it gets easier and your heart grows stronger. You can recognize and repurpose stuck energy (blocked emotions) as fuel.   LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART Think of your heart as your engine. Now, for a moment, consider what happens when you don’t “listen” to the engine to see how you may be operating. This is where the head keeps you busy—running on autopilot listening to all the “shoulds” that surround you, or worrying about what others think of you. That is completely exhausting and ineffective.   Heartfelt listening gets you out of your busy head and into your knowing heart.  When you take the time to really listen to your own heart, you strengthen self-trust and reinforce your capacity to have compassion and understanding when listening to others.    So, essentially, to be a better listener, you need to tune into yourself. You need to feel good within your heart so you can open yourself to hear others. HOW TO PRACTICE LISTENING Take a moment now and place both hands over your heart. BREATHE. Take a long, expansive breath…in and out…through your heart. As you breathe, ask these questions:  How connected do I feel?  Am I listening to what’s here?   What feeling is present that I’m not letting breathe?  How can I connect and honor myself today?  Where can I express love?  What am I grateful for?  How can I be more present and really listen to someone else today who I may not agree with? What can I appreciate in someone else today?   As we cultivate the He(Art) of Listening in our own lives, we can embrace these times as the cue to remember the compassion and expansion we’re here to co-create.  (photo credit: Shutterstock)

3 Ways to Start Mindful Eating Today

Mindful eating is the thoughtful and intentional practice of eating. It’s important for making better food choices, watching our portions and allowing us to be present to savor and fully enjoy our food. It’s also beneficial as a weight, stress and gut health management tool. Like anything else, mindfulness is a practice and as with any practice, repetition and habitual discipline improves its effectiveness. Mindful eating informs every aspect of our dining experience — what we eat, where we eat, when we eat — and helps us make better choices.  Your gut and your brain are closely connected through a pathway involving nerves, hormones and inflammatory cells. Called the “second brain” by Emeran Mayer, MD in The Mind-Gut Connection, the Enteric Nervous System (ENS) sends sensory information generated in the gut to the brain and the brain signals it back to the gut ultimately affecting your emotional, digestive and nutritional health. It takes 20 minutes to communicate from our stomach to brain that we’re satisfied.. According to the National Institutes of Health, the reasons people eat mindlessly is unknown. “The smartest person you know cannot explain why they ate a salad instead of soup this morning, or why they ate one breakfast food instead of another, but these mindless eating habits can easily be changed, not by education, but by essentially changing the environment.” Environmental factors that can lead to mindless eating could be the size of your plate, the convenience of food and whether or not we  are listening to our hunger cues. There are countless reasons to give mindless eating a try including helping you to make more healthful food choices and finally learning when you are truly hungry.  We have three easy ways to get started that have helped my clients: Practice gratitude before you eat. Be grateful for the farmers, drivers, grocery store clerks that allowed food to come to your table. Chew slowly focusing on the textures, flavors and smell of your food. Take an actual break to eat. Sit down. Turn off electronics during meal times. Mindfulness teaches us how to recognize and let go of any negative emotions we may have around food. Being fully present and aware every time you eat is a practice — one you can’t expect to perfect immediately. Be patient with yourself.  — By Laura Collis, nutrition and wellness coach + Nutritious Life Studio alumni  

Intuitive Eating: How Tuning Your Relationship with Food Can Change Your Life Forever

Excerpted from Burning Bright: Rituals, Reiki + Self-Care to Heal Burnout, Anxiety and Stress by Kelsey J. Patel, reprinted with author’s permission. Copyright © 2020 by Kelsey J. Patel. I’m someone who loves to eat. I will regularly have a pizza with my kids or a dinner out with friends with wine and dessert, but I also know when my body is craving clean, natural food or I need a break from overindulging. Sometimes I can tell I just need to keep things simpler. I’ve learned to do this through intuitive eating. Here’s how you can try this natural way of tuning your relationship with food.   Every time you are ready to eat, sit quietly for a moment before eating even one bite. Remind yourself there is no rush. Close your eyes. Focus on your breath. Get to a calm space, then gently ask your body: What is the best meal for my body right now? RELATED: Mealtime Meditation: 15 Minutes for Mindful Eating Wait for the answer. You might also ask: Will this food nourish me right now? Wait for the answer. Remind yourself that there is no rush. When you have an answer, open your eyes and, maintaining a feeling of inner peace and calm, prepare your meal. If the answer is that you don’t need food right now, ask your body: What do I really need or want right now? You may feel that your mind wants a distraction from something you’ve been procrastinating about or don’t want to do, you’re seeking some sort of reward, or you are trying to avoid facing or admitting to a feeling. Notice what it feels like beneath that false hunger. If you determine that the cause is something other than real hunger, stay in this place of focus and self-care. Let yourself take time to find an answer. Do you need to feel a feeling instead of pushing it down? RELATED: The Step-by-Step Guide to Mindful Eating This is something to work on over time. It might feel difficult at first, but know that whenever you give in to the urge to eat when you aren’t really hungry—but just don’t want to feel your feelings—you will reinforce the message that food is an emotional crutch, rather than the beautiful, vibrant source of physical energy it really is. Instead of eating when you aren’t hungry, turn to any of the practices in this or the next two chapters (or any of the rituals in part 3). Excerpted from Burning Bright: Rituals, Reiki + Self-Care to Heal Burnout, Anxiety and Stress by Kelsey J. Patel, reprinted with author’s permission. Copyright © 2020 by Kelsey J. Patel.   Kelsey Patel is one of LA’s leading wellness and reiki experts, and an expert in burnout. A spiritual coach, Reiki master, and wellness expert, Kelsey has helped thousands struggling with burnout and anxiety. Kelsey worked on Capitol Hill in the U.S. Senate for 4.5 years and as Director of crisis PR for a Fortune 500 company for several years prior to discovering Reiki as a last resort for her stress-induced back pain. Kelsey’s own journey has led her to help many others find balance and burn bright instead of burning out.  Her teachings and practices, along with private client work to some of Hollywood’s biggest names, have been highlighted in various publications such as The New York Times, Reader’s Digest, US Weekly, SELF Magazine, Bustle, Well + Good, Marie Claire, GOOP, the Chalkboard Magazine and more. Her public workshops, corporate seminars and private coaching are all aimed at helping people bring joy, balance, fulfillment and purpose to their daily lives and work.  She is previously the owner of Pure Barre Beverly Hills, where she learned first hand the intricacies of owning and operating a business. She is now the owner of the Magik Vibes product line, and host of the podcast of the same name. She is also the co-host of the podcast Breakup With Your Bullshit, alongside Ryan Weiss. Her first book, Burning Bright: Rituals, Reiki + Self-Care to Heal Burnout, Anxiety and Stress, released on April 28, 2020 and is available now.