How to Practice Self-Love Like You Mean It

Have the concept of practicing self-love ever crossed your mind? The concept may seem silly and even a bit self-indulgent at first, especially if you’re constantly doting on everyone else. Why is it that we have such an easy time showing tenderness to our children, partners, and friends, but when it comes to ourselves, it feels foreign?  The following self-love techniques are attainable, affordable, and will help foster a positive relationship between you and, well, you. 6 Self-Love Techniques Squash Negative Self-Talk Take note of harmful thought patterns that may be limiting your potential. Think of your inner voice as your inner child—speak to it kindly! Daily affirmations and journaling are great tools to help with this.  Prioritize Your Health This means nourishing your body with healthy, energy-boosting foods, making regular time for physical activity (whatever that means to you), getting enough sleep, building white space into your day, and any other actions that support your mental and physical well-being. Set Boundaries Whether at the office, with extended family, or between you and the six hours you spent scrolling on TikTok last night, setting boundaries is a way to maintain healthy relationships and preserve your sanity. (Say, for example, your boss is texting you on the weekend. Boundary-setting would be telling him or her that they can no longer text you outside of normal business hours.) Although setting boundaries can be awkward at first, it’s worth it in the long run. Make Time for Self-Care Self-care is a crucial part of loving yourself. Making time for self-care means that we think we are worthy of love, attention and TLC. Try to set aside time in your schedule to do things that make you happy, even if it’s something as simple as going for a walk or baking a pie.  Show Yourself Compassion Ditch the perfection mentality (it’s the enemy of self-love), and realize that you’re human and you’re going to make mistakes. It’s important to get comfortable with that notion and change the way you react to them when they happen. Instead of interpreting mistakes as a sign that you’re a failure, view them as an opportunity to learn and grow.  Practice Authenticity Don’t hide the parts of you that are messy and imperfect, embarrassing or shameful. Don’t fear the judgment of others (it says nothing about you and a whole lot about them). The only person you need to please is yourself. So live your life full out. Be unapologetically and authentically you.  (Photo: Shutterstock)

3 Tips to Embrace the Power of Saying “No”

Some of the most successful people in the world say no to most things.

Give Yourself the Gift of Self-Love and Care This Season

They say the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but sometimes that stretch from Thanksgiving to New Years can feel seriously hectic. Whether you’re a mom scrambling to pick up presents for the kids, or a single 20-something just trying to survive cuffing season, there’s a good chance you may feel depleted come Jan. 1.  But here’s the thing: Your needs matter, even during the “giving season.” Here are five simple ways to practice self-care (what Nutritious Life refers to as nurture yourself) during the holidays. Because, well, you deserve it.  5 Simple Ways to Practice Self-Care Say ‘No’ to What Doesn’t Serve You Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to simply say ‘no.’ Whether it’s politely declining that second piece of pie your aunt is pushing on you or skipping a happy hour you have zero interest in attending, tuning in to your needs is a critical component of self-care.  TIP: Brainstorm a few phrases you can lean on when you’re looking to opt out of social pressure this season. For example: “Your pie was delicious, but I know my body will feel best if I stick with one slice. Thank you for offering!” Or: “Happy hour sounds awesome, but I’m feeling a bit run down today. I’ll catch the next one when I’m feeling more energized and can really enjoy it!” Gift Yourself Something Special There’s a lot to be said for giving to others, but sometimes it’s extra nice to treat yourself to something special as well. Consider it a warm self-love hug.  TIP: Opt for a gift that supports your self-care goals, like working on your mindfulness or upgrading your skincare routine. Here are a few picks we’re loving this year.  This 5-Minute Journal that helps you set intentions for the day  OneSkin is oh-so-worth the splurge. Use code KERI for 15% off your first purchase. Wake up to coffee shop-worthy turmeric lattes at home with this handheld milk frother that’s easy to use and affordable  Get Grateful Every. Single. Day. Research shows that practicing gratitude can improve mental health by prompting us to focus on the positive, per UC Berkeley. While the best benefits follow from expressing gratitude to others, jotting down something you’re grateful for every day can also lead to a more positive outlook on life.  TIP: Practice gratitude every day of the holiday season by writing down one or two things for which you are thankful right before bed. Bonus points if you write a letter of gratitude to someone you know, like a coworker, your doorman or the local barista. They’ll feel appreciated and you’ll feel fulfilled knowing you brought them good vibes.  Take Shortcuts Yep, you read that right. Sometimes taking a shortcut is the best thing you can do for your mental health. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, know that it’s a-ok to simplify things.  TIP: Go ahead and buy a prepared turkey instead of making your own from scratch or send a thank you email (or electronic gratitude note!) instead of a handwritten one. The sentiment is the same and it’ll streamline your to-do list. Commit to One Healthy Habit—All Season Long Ever feel like you need to hit every one of your health goals in order for you to feel like you’re doing enough? Scratch that mentality! So many of us bid our wellness habits farewell until Jan. 1 because we feel like we can’t keep them up over the holidays. News flash: No one has time to hit the gym, meditate and meal prep all while buying gifts, volunteering and hosting family over the holidays. TIP: Instead of ditching it all, commit to one or two health habits that are easy enough to maintain, even on the busiest days of the holiday season. Maybe it’s drinking half of your weight in ounces of water and taking your multivitamin every day. The bottom line: Choose something simple that’ll help you feel nourished—without stressing you out. Give Yourself the Gift of a New Wellness Career Passionate about nutrition and wellness? Our Become a Nutrition Coach certification course gives you a solid foundation in nutrition science, plus techniques for coaching clients so you can share your knowledge and earn an income. It’s the perfect way to inspire the next generation of healthier people all across the globe. (Or, you can use the information for your own health journey or to enhance a wellness business you already have.) Request a sneak peek of the Become a Nutrition Coach program and see how you can put your passion for wellness to work. (Images: Shutterstock)

3 Ways to Stop Emotional Eating This Holiday Season

Emotional eating is totally a thing, and if there’s ever a time that it’s more likely to happen, it’s the holidays. What exactly is emotional eating? For starters, emotional eating is a response to both bad and good emotions—although emotional eating due to positive emotions usually gets a lot less attention. Some of us are self-proclaimed stress-eaters. I’m thinking about the college students cramming for exams and downing bags of chips and M&Ms while they’re studying. Power-eating popcorn during a suspenseful movie also comes to mind. RELATED: Healthy Eating 101: How to Eat Healthy in College Others of us chomp our way through disappointment, sadness and loneliness. You pick up the pint of ice cream when you find out your end-of-year bonus isn’t coming through, or comfort yourself with a pound of holiday fudge because you can’t get home for Christmas. The holidays are filled with mixed emotions and it is usually a stressful time. Couple that with celebrating the togetherness of the holidays with a stocked fridge and pantry. And when I say stocked, I don’t mean with healthy foods. I mean packed full of all the I eat this once-a-year-foods—things like peppermint bark, snowflake cookies and eggnog.  Emotional eating has nothing to do with hunger, nutrition or wellness goals. Food is not made up of only vitamins, minerals, phytonutrients and fiber. It’s also made up of stuff that connects us to our feelings. So, how do you stop emotional eating? And how can you make it through the emotional roller coaster of the holiday season without throwing your goals out the (perfectly trimmed) window? Great question.  RELATED: Enroll in Keri Glassman’s 4-Part Emotional Eating Course Here are my top tips for how to stop emotional eating. Keri Glassman’s Top Tips to Stop Emotional Eating Reframe your intentions Yes, you could choose to go through the holidays focusing on the guilt for not remembering to buy your colleague a gift, sleep-deprived because you’ve been burning the candle at both ends to get everything done, stressed out because the holiday cards haven’t arrived … and so on and so on. You could also choose to get through the holidays mindfully. Making the choice to focus on celebrating the company you keep, being in the moment and giving attention to your holiday traditions. This may help keep from getting too stressed, overwhelmed, and reaching for the soothing arms of that hot cocoa with whipped cream and chocolate drizzle. For when you do feel stressed (hey, it happens!), try keeping a warm mug of tea on hand. It will serve many purposes: The heat and smell will soothe and relax you and your feelings, it will hydrate you, and it will serve as a reminder to keep your wellness a priority. Know that YOU are in control You do not have to be a victim of the stress and general emotional energy-suck of the holidays. Instead, try this: Decide in advance what you’re going to bring to Aunt Edna’s holiday potluck (rosemary spiced nuts, anyone?), so you know you have a healthy snack on hand. Have a satisfying and healthy dinner before you head out to the office party so you don’t wind up making puff pastries your meal. Or, go ahead and make the decision to stick to seltzer with a sprinkle of pomegranate seeds instead of champagne. Keeping a food journal is also helpful. For one, it will help you see that the “binge” you thought you had was actually just a little too much brie, but it will also help you eat less. Knowing you will have to write it down will make you think twice before going for seconds of the pie. Bottom line: Feeling empowered helps you control your emotions and your eating. Triple D yourself Finally, use the three Ds when you’re trying to stop an emotional eating situation. Delay. Slow yourself down. Don’t head straight for the food. Start with a glass of water, tea or seltzer and make a conscious decision to slow your intake. Nobody is going to rip your plate out from under you and the appetizer tray will still be there in 15 minutes. Slow down, friend. Distract. You should be catching up with friends and family. That is what the holiday season is really about. Distract yourself by talking to your loved ones, checking out the ornaments on the tree, or lending a hand to the host. Disarm. Don’t keep unwanted food in the house. Don’t hover over the buffet table. Out of sight, out of mind. On a similar note, don’t bring sweets and treats home. Keep your home focused on health and wellness by stocking up on winter produce such as grapefruit, clementines, pomegranate and root veggies. RELATED: How to Add Winter Produce to Your Diet (and Why You Should)

Anxiety Is Not All In Your Head, It’s In Your Body

For decades, we have been indoctrinated to believe that mental health is the result of a genetically determined chemical imbalance in the brain. What I have come to understand through years of practice as a board-certified psychiatrist who takes a functional medicine approach to mental health is that issues we’d once considered purely psychiatric in nature can be better understood as the result of a delicate yet highly consequential interplay of body and mind. I have found that the anxiety that plagues so many of us is increasingly caused by the habits that are now intrinsic to our modern lives, such as chronic sleep deprivation, poor nutrition, and even doom scrolling on social media late into the night. Though these issues may seem too benign to significantly affect the mind, they are capable of creating a stress response in the body, which prompts the release of hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline—signaling a state of emergency to the brain that can leave us feeling anxious. In other words: mental health is physical health. And anxiety—that hyper-vigilant feeling that escalates swiftly to a sense of catastrophe and doom—is as grounded in the body as it is in the mind. This is the premise of my recently published book, “The Anatomy of Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming the Body’s Fear Response.” Read on to learn more about this intricate give and take between body and mind and its impact on anxiety. “Through relatively straightforward adjustments to our diet and lifestyle, we can avoid unnecessary stress responses and head anxiety off at the pass.” Altered Brain Chemistry of Anxiety Is Downstream Effect So while brain chemistry and thought patterns do play a role in anxiety, I would argue that these are actually downstream effects—meaning that frequently our brain chemistry changes as a result of an imbalance in the body. This is a hopeful message. In understanding that the body is as capable of informing our moods as the brain is, we have come to realize that our anxiety is far more preventable than previously known. That is, through relatively straightforward adjustments to our diet and lifestyle, we can avoid unnecessary stress responses and head anxiety off at the pass. False Anxiety vs. True Anxiety I draw a distinction between two types of anxiety—that of false and true anxiety, which is sometimes referred to as an anxiety disorder. This is not a diagnosis, but rather an interpretation that I have found has helped my patients target the source of their anxiety and more swiftly identify the steps that need to be taken to address it. False anxiety is avoidable anxiety. True anxiety, on the other hand, is purposeful anxiety. RELATED: The Important Distinction Missing From Conversations About Anxiety False anxiety occurs when a stress response is triggered by a seemingly benign aspect of modern life, like a blood sugar crash or strong coffee. At these times, our minds are all too happy to swoop in with an explanation. Our brain says, Maybe I’m anxious because my boss’s aloof email seems to suggest I’m underperforming at work. Our minds are meaning makers. Give us a picture of two dots and a line, and the mind sees a face. Give us a hangover and a cold brew in lieu of breakfast and then we think we’re in trouble at work, our relationship is falling apart, and the world is barreling toward certain destruction. This is because our minds like to tell us stories that explain our physical sensations. But if we could omnisciently know what was going on under the surface in that moment, we would discover that our mood was sparked by a state of physical imbalance. And much of our worry is just this: our minds trying to justify a stress response in the physical body. “Our daily habits are the real determinants of much of our anxiety.” How Diet and Lifestyle Impact Anxiety Indeed, sleep deprivation, chronic inflammation from eating foods you don’t tolerate, and the comment section in Twitter—these are all, from your body’s perspective, indications that your environment is not safe. As such, diet and lifestyle factors are critical contributors to our mental health, given that they can trip the body into a stress response. Our genes and thoughts do, of course, have sway over our moods, but our daily habits are the real determinants of much of our anxiety. And intervening at the level of the body, when indeed the source of a person’s anxiety is physical, is often quicker, less expensive, and more effective. Anxiety is not the final diagnosis, but rather the beginning of our inquiry. That is, anxiety is not what’s wrong with you—it is your body and mind fiercely alerting you to the fact that something else is wrong. False anxiety is common, it causes immense suffering, and it’s mostly avoidable. By widening the lens of our understanding to encompass not only the aspects of anxiety that occur in the brain but also those that originate in the body, we can more effectively address our current, and vast, mental health epidemic. Anxiety Is What We Eat and Drink We are living in the wake of decades of misleading and contradictory nutrition recommendations. Rather than passing on traditional food wisdom from generation to generation, as was the case with indigenous tribes, American food “wisdom” is a pyramid of serving-size recommendations heavily influenced by industry funding. I have observed that many of my patients exist somewhere along a spectrum from being addicted to the drug-like foods (gluten, dairy, sugar, and processed foods, engineered to be hyper-palatable), to an orthorexic tendency to obsess about and fear food, declining social invitations in a counter-therapeutic attempt to heal their anxiety by tightly controlling their diets. RELATED: Orthorexia: When Healthy Eating Goes Too Far Here are 4 ways our habits around food and beverages impact our anxiety. Blood sugar Given that the modern food landscape is built on a foundation of coffee drinks that are secretly milkshakes and rosė all day, many

Pucker Up! Kissing Is Great For Your Health

Pucker up! If it’s been a minute since you’ve engaged in a saucy smooch session, may we suggest you dim the lights and get to work? Not just because it’s fun (and it so is), but because kissing is great for your health. Wait, kissing is healthy? (Yep, it is.) The health benefits of kissing are surprisingly vast. They range from immediate hormone releases to preventing cavities over time (really!). Dive into the many reasons kissing is good for you below and share this article with your friends. No one should be left out of this fun. Kissing Partner Perks When you and your partner engage in a lip-lock, both of your bodies jump into health-boosting action without you having to do a single thing other than enjoy yourselves. Help Out Your Hormones Kissing releases our favorite feel-good hormone, oxytocin, which can lower anxiety, increase feelings of trust between partners, and help us feel relaxed. Kissing also triggers the release of endorphins, which may lessen stress and depression and increase positive feelings. Together, oxytocin and endorphins also stimulate a metabolic process that may reduce calorie intake, tamper down hunger pangs, and slow the digestion of fat. All vital components to living a nutritious life. RELATED: Are These Psychological Barriers Messing With Your Weight Loss?  Spark Some Sexy-Times Not surprisingly, a passionate kiss can get you and your partner in the mood for something more, if you catch our drift. As you kiss, testosterone is released, and this can have a big impact on your sex drive. Kissing also decreases levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, which can definitely help get you in the mood. And since getting horizontal burns calories, this is just another health benefit of locking lips. Personal Health Benefits of Kissing Smooching not only delivers partner-centric health benefits, it packs a healthy punch for you as an individual too. Get Mouthy When you kiss, you produce more saliva. Adequate saliva production is important for everything from tasting, chewing, and swallowing, to washing away oral germs and keeping bad breath at bay. Since tasting and fully enjoying your meals (AKA mindful eating) is a huge contributor to building a great relationship with food, you’re getting a double whammy of awesome when you share a kiss before eating. Extra bonus: When you swap spit, you’re exposed to your partner’s mouth microbiota, which can help boost your immunity over time. Jump Start Your Heart Kissing of all types (but espesh the super-heated kind), increases your heart rate, which causes your blood vessels to dilate. The dilated vessels increase your blood flow, which then decreases your blood pressure. Aren’t our bodies amazing? Since a healthy blood pressure is part of living a nutritious life, we say let that heart of yours get a workout—both from the metaphorical “flutters” and from its actual pumped-up pumping. RELATED: 6 Cardiologist-Recommended Ways to Strengthen Our Heart Health Kissing is part of a healthy lifestyle and can leave you feeling connected, self-assured, and even a little bit healthier. Pucker up … and enjoy! For more tips on how to have happy relationships and a fulfilling sex life—all part of the Love More pillar of living a Nutritious Life—check out our top stories. (Image: Shutterstock)

7 Steps to a Healthy Divorce Plan

There is no doubt that many couples have struggled since COVID hit—and for understandable reasons. Unemployment, financial stress, home schooling, death of loved ones, mental health issues, and mandated quarantining have all added stress to even the strongest couples.  A recent survey found that about one-third of couples have faced damaging traumatic stress in their marriage over the course of 2020. There are conflicting reports as to whether the divorce rate is, in fact, increasing. However, some experts are stating that the spike is imminent in 2021.  Communicating with your partner, trying to work through issues, and seeking out counseling should always come before rushing to leave the marriage. But, not all relationships are meant to last—and, sometimes getting a divorce is actually an act of self-care. In the end, staying in an unhealthy relationship can cause severe damage to your mental health.   We spoke with divorce lawyers and couples therapists to learn how you can set yourself up for a healthy divorce plan and protect your mental health during this challenging time. STEPS TO A HEALTHY DIVORCE PLAN ARM YOURSELF WITH KNOWLEDGE “Learning how to live again as a newly-single person after years of being in a marriage can feel jarring,” explains Sabrina Shaheen Cronin, Founder and Managing Partner of the Cronin Law Firm. “The best way to prepare is to make sure you understand yourself and your needs, take care of yourself mentally and emotionally as best you can, surround yourself with positive and supportive people, and learn how to discern who to trust moving forward.” If you are currently going through a separation or divorce or are heading down that path, it’s important to be prepared for the mental strain that is coming your way. Finding a good therapist is just as important as obtaining your lawyer. In addition to protecting your mental health, looking at your finances should be top of the list. In an ideal world, the process would be simple and all of your assets would be divided equally. But, this isn’t always possible for a number of reasons such as children or prenuptial agreements. To start preparing for the business side of divorce, you’ll need to start by gathering all the financial information you have (both yours and your spouse’s).  This way, when you’re going to speak with an attorney or mediator, you can answer specific questions, and they can provide you with answers and realistic expectations. If you’re the one making the decision to divorce, Cronin advises to make sure you’re in the best frame of mind possible to make thoughtful, well-informed decisions rather than acting impulsively. “Meet with different lawyers to find out what it will cost you to retain the lawyer with whom you feel most comfortable,” says Cronin.  COMMIT TO MOVING ON AND LET GO OF BLAME “Couples divorce when they feel defeated in their efforts to reach mutual understanding, and often struggle to truly let go of the need and hope to be understood on their terms,” says Dr. Orna Guralnik from the SHOWTIME documentary series COUPLES THERAPY tells Nutritious Life. She explains that  this is accompanied by a difficult mixture of anger and a sense of shame and failure. “The worst divorces are those that actually never really end, in the sense that people remain stuck in using their ex-partner as an object to project upon and blame for their suffering,” continues Dr. Guralnik.   Instead, she recommends we try and focus on forgiveness. While this may seem impossible at times, it’s a healing process that can provide a deeper, and sometimes faster recovery. Try and let go of blame and learn to respect each other’s own needs—and remember who the ex-partner actually was and is. “When people let go of blame and make room for mutual respect and compassion, they can establish a deep and meaningful post-divorce relationship that has its own beauty,” she says. TAKE OUTSIDE ADVICE WITH CAUTION A lot of people around you are going to try to give you advice. While it may be from a place of love, their words may only confuse or incite you. “Sometimes, even the most well-intentioned friend or family member only makes matters worse,” Cronin says. “Heeding legal advice from the sidelines is also not recommended because no one truly understands the process and the nuances of your case like your lawyer does.” If you’re really looking for support, therapy is usually the best route. “Understanding your feelings with a mental health professional can give you the proper tools to take with you on your next steps,” says Lauren Peacock, best-selling author of “Female. Likes Cheese. Comes with Dog.: Stories About Divorce, Dating, and Saying “I Do” and the creator of The Divorce Case subscription box. “If this is not an option, confiding in a close friend about your struggles and even journaling these feelings often helps.” THINK OF OTHERS IMPACTED If you share children with someone, you’re going to remain connected on some level. “I counsel many clients to understand and accept that although you’re divorcing, you can remain family,” Cronin explains. “It may take some time to put aside hurt feelings, but for the betterment of your children and the overall feeling of peace among the chaos, it is far better to remain friendly than bitter enemies.” All experts advise talking to a therapist about how to speak to your children regarding the changes happening. It is also recommended that children speak to a counselor to discuss this challenging and emotional time.  BE STRONGER THAN YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES “If you are lonely, depressed, or feeling anything other than at peace in the marriage, you should work on yourself first.” says Cronin.  Along this journey, it is important to remember that while this part of your relationship is ending, you still cared for this person. You may have had children together and will forever be in each other’s lives to some degree. Showing empathy along the way, even in the most difficult moments, can help not

Signs You’re in an Unhealthy Relationship

If you’re reading this, you might be wondering whether the relationship you’re in is healthy. It’s normal to question our relationship now and then, to argue from time to time, and for both people involved to say or do the wrong thing sometimes. After all, we are human.  When the arguments become more frequent than the laughs, or when one or both partners feel neglected, unrespected, or even unsafe, that’s when you may want to take a closer look at how healthy your relationship really is. We interviewed experts who shared warning signs to be on the lookout for, tips for addressing unhealthy patterns—and how to know when to run as fast as you can from a relationship. Warning Signs to Watch For Your relationship is a secret. No, your partner doesn’t need to carry around a picture of you in their wallet and show it to everyone they meet, but if their BFF hasn’t met you yet, who else aren’t they telling about you? If you just started seeing each other, then this isn’t a big deal, but if it’s been a few months, you might want to ask what’s up with the secrecy. “If you’ve been dating regularly for three months or more it’s typical that you meet the significant people in each other’s lives,” says Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW, Certified relationship coach and matchmaker. “This includes family, longtime friends, and even coworkers. If the person you are dating is avoiding an introduction to the significant people in their life that’s a red flag and a clear indication they are probably not the one.” You’re constantly arguing with your partner. Sure, it’s totally normal for couples to bicker now and then about things like whose turn it is to cook dinner or what to watch on Netflix. It’s also normal to have bigger fights about sex and money and when one or the other isn’t feeling appreciated. Communication isn’t always pretty. But when the fighting gets to the point where it feels constant and even exhausting, that’s not normal; that’s not healthy. It isn’t normal to feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner all the time. “Constant fighting or bickering is a huge flag that either you’re not a match or not a match anymore,” says Julianne. Your partner won’t commit to the relationship. If your partner isn’t ready to commit when you are, they’re probably not “the one”. It doesn’t mean they are a bad person; they just aren’t necessarily the person for you. “It might not (and likely doesn’t) have anything to do with you,” says Vanessa Ringel, neuroplasticity coach and founder of GRAVITĀS. “They may not be ready to settle, there may be some incompatibility at play that you’re not aware of, or they might have trauma from past relationships. What matters is that you don’t invest your valuable time and energy in someone who isn’t able to reciprocate, and who will unwillingly block you from finding the person who would.” Ask yourself: Is that really a relationship you want to invest any more time in? Your partner brings out the worst in you. Relationships aren’t always easy, but your partner shouldn’t make you act in a way you typically wouldn’t. You may be in an unhealthy relationship if “you bring out the worst in each other, and being with this person is exhausting,” says Rory Sassoon. It’s not a healthy relationship if “you’re constantly talking about how to fix your relationship, and most importantly, you really don’t feel that you like each other fundamentally as people,” says Sassoon.  It’s important to be with someone who brings out the best in you. While you won’t be at your best every minute of every day, your partner should be there to support you so you can be your best in the areas of your life that matter most. “Are you neglecting your health, finances, friendships, children, family, dreams? That is your warning sign that something is wrong in your relationship,” says Laura Day, New York Times Bestselling author and practicing intuitive. Signs of Mental Abuse: Criticism, Humiliation, and Control “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~ Maya Angelou According to thehotline.com, “Approximately 84% of victims (of domestic violence) are psychologically abused by their partners.” Chances are, you did not go looking for a relationship where you would constantly be put down and made to feel worthless, stupid, or just plain crappy. If your partner is insulting you and calling you names that make you feel bad about yourself, these are signs of mental abuse. Unfortunately, “this type of abuse can sneak up on you, and sometimes isn’t as easy to spot as physical abuse,” says Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking.  Cantarella weighs in on how it is easy to miss the warning signs of mental abuse, adding, “Sometimes it’s hard to recognize negative behaviors or if you are being mentally abused. This behavior can be insidious and introduced slowly over time. What might start out as a “joke” can end up being used as a way to control you, shame you, or make you feel as if you are the problem. If your partner is humiliating you, constantly criticizing you, controlling you, shaming you, blaming you, or Isolating you from your family and friends, these are all examples of mental and emotional abuse. Another example could be trying to control you by monitoring your coming and going, checking your phone, or controlling your finances.” Additional examples of mental abuse include “a lashing out or neglect, or “punishment” following any behavior your partner does not agree with,” says Ringel. “Or, you may notice your partner lies to you, especially about important things, and that when you confront him or her, it gets turned back on you, as if the lying is your fault.” Beyond mental and emotional injury, abuse in a relationship can also directly affect us physically. “Our body is a very good barometer

5 Ways To Build Stronger Friendships

According to the American Psychological Association, maintaining “strong social relationships” or friendships can increase our survival rate by as much as 50%. Our friends are literally saving our lives!  Monica Berg, author of Rethink Love and host of the Spiritually Hungry podcast says, “Human connection isn’t just seeing our friends or smiling at strangers; it’s something we require in order to thrive. Social connection improves our physical health and strengthens our psychological well-being. In fact, one telling study showed that lack of social connection is a greater detriment to health than obesity, smoking, and high blood pressure.” It’s important to keep in touch with pals near and far—now, more than ever. While the world is making it difficult for us to spend quality time with our friends right now—physically, that is—that doesn’t mean our friendships have to suffer. How to Stay “Close” to Your Favorite People There are a lot of ways to strengthen our friendships, even during a time when hugs might be off limits. In order to make our friendships stronger, it’s important to make each phone call, text, or Zoom session count. Here is some simple guidance derived from those who know best to help you keep your friendships thriving. Schedule “time with friends” into your day It may sound silly, but you schedule meetings into your day, so why not schedule time to connect with people you actually want to communicate with? Have you called your besties to check in on them lately? Whether it’s a phone or Zoom call, an email, or a simple text—add a note to your calendar so you don’t forget to let your people know you’re thinking of them. Sure, ladies’ night out isn’t really a thing right now, but you could move your outings to Zoom. “If that seems too ambitious, you could opt for a morning cup of tea (online) or a virtual cocktail hour in the evening when you can fit it in,” offers Berg. If just “hanging out” on Zoom doesn’t do it for you, you can also try playing virtual games on Zoom, like virtual trivia, bingo, and even escape rooms.  Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking highly recommends the Netflix Party App. “You can even pause the show for you and your friend so you can chat about what you think of the storyline and characters,” she adds. Sick of being on Zoom 24/7? Just because we can video chat, it doesn’t mean we have to do it all day every day. Turn the camera off and just talk, or (gasp) make an old-fashioned phone call. Sometimes just hearing a friend’s voice is all you need, and sometimes we just don’t want to be on camera. Be fully “present” when spending time with friends After a while, Zoom calls and other video chats have our eyes glazing over and we try to multitask when we should be trying harder to be present with the people we’re connecting with. Instead of looking at your phone or cooking dinner while video chatting, try to be fully there for your friends. “Although we are all still seeing each other on video, it is important to make the extra effort to have cyber-physical contact. Notice the person’s body language. Make sure yours is embracing. Give the person your full attention,” says Laura Day, New York Times Bestselling author and practicing intuitive. Show your friends you care about them Virtual hugs are great, but Day provides some additional ideas for how to show your friends you care: Just listen: You don’t always have to offer advice. Sometimes all your friends need is a sounding board. Try to keep your opinion to yourself, unless they ask for it. Refer to things they have said in past conversations: It shows that you’re listening and that you value what they value in their life. Check in and offer help: We often assume that people have what they need, but I have found that people are far more likely to offer than to ask,” says Laura. Say “Thank you”: Showing appreciation is often underestimated. Notice what others do for you and let them know what it means to you. Practice thoughtful communication We’ve all said things we didn’t mean, or that we didn’t realize would hurt someone we care about. If you’re upset with your friend, it’s important to think before you speak, especially if you want to continue the friendship.  Berg says, “Think first. Words are energy. The comments that flow out of our mouths do not disappear into thin air. They stay with us, hindering or helping our spiritual growth and also blocking our happiness.”  “Be direct. Passive aggressive expression or flooding someone rarely lays the groundwork for a good outcome,” adds Day. She also suggests taking responsibility for your own part in situations and being open to hearing their feelings as well. Drifting apart? Don’t ignore the feeling; start a conversation Whether you’ve known a friend for a few years or several decades, we all have arguments and disagreements now and then—some bigger than others. When things get a little rocky it can be tempting to just give up and let the friendship fall apart. Here are some expert tips on how to approach the situation. Trombetti suggests, “Anytime you see yourself drifting apart from a friend, make plans to catch up. Tell the person how much you value the friendship. Consider the possibility that your friendship may need to change a bit. If, for example, you and your friend always meet for happy hours, but now your friend works late at a new job, you could offer other ideas for things you can do together. Maybe you meet for brunch now, instead. Just put time and communication into the friendship, as you would any other relationship.” Berg says, “First, come from love; share what you are sensing and invite them to share their feelings with you. Perhaps there is a reason they are pulling away. It may

How to Stay Focused and Present

Looking for a way to feel less stressed, less anxious, less tired, more focused, more present, and more calm? Yup, we are, too! Well, that is exactly how the founder of Evolve by Erika, Erika Polsinelli has devoted her life to fixing. Through her work, she teaches that breathwork and meditation bring us clarity to help with decision making and therefore, spend less time contemplating over the right decisions while having more of an inner knowing and guidance.  Sounds kind of magical, right? “Everyone has the ability to live their healthiest and happiest life,” Polsinelli says. “We just need the tools to get out of our own way and allow ourselves to connect with our highest potential.” That is why she created Evolve by Erika…what she calls a one-stop high-vibrational health program.  Through a mix of Kundalini Yoga, meditation, breathwork, movement, plant-based living, and mindset shifts, Polisinelli’s goal is to apply a holistic approach to elevate one’s life. “The work helps us not only to heal ourselves, but those around us,” she continues. “We are less reactive. We come from a grounded, centered place and become more aligned within; and, by doing this healing, we are creating a better life for ourselves.” We sat down with Polsinelli to discuss everything from how to create a high-vibe state every day (and what that means exactly) to easy ways of getting focused right now.  How can we get into a high-vibe state every day? The #1 way to start elevating your vibration is through the food you eat and creating a morning practice.  By establishing a morning practice, you’re giving yourself time to get ahead of the day. You’re taking time to calm the nervous system and clear your own thoughts before encountering anyone else’s energy and thoughts.  What is your morning routine? How do you set your day up for success? I go to bed excited to wake up and tune into myself. As you begin to practice, you’re able to get to a deeply-connected state, feeling bliss and peace. I’ve created a space right beside my bed by windows where I can look out at the sky. I feel most connected to nature. I have my Evolve custom meditation pillow there because “easy pose” isn’t that easy for long periods of time. I tune in with the Adi Mantra – Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo – which means, “I bow to the divine wisdom within.” After tuning in, I begin to bring in a conscious stream of thoughts for which I am grateful. I then go into 11 minutes of breathwork. And, if I have time, I will go into 11 minutes of mantra. I conclude my morning practice by setting intentions for all that I want the day to bring me.  By doing this each and every morning (early in the morning before sunrise is best), you’re able to clear and heal your subconscious. There are many days where I recognize a part of me I’ve outgrown, and evolved. It’s a beautiful process.  If someone is new to yoga, what do you recommend to get started? The yoga I teach is different from what most visualize as yoga. Kundalini Yoga consists of breathwork, mantra, and meditation. A good place to start a practice of Kundalini is by beginning to play and listen to mantra while taking long deep breaths, or even while you’re cooking or cleaning. You’ll be surprised by the shift you feel just by listening to high-frequency music. Another place to begin is with 3 to 5 minutes of breathwork. Right now, we are all overwhelmed with endless “to do” lists and never enough time in the day. How are you prioritizing now?   I truly feel that by making time for my practice, I’m creating time and space in my day. By starting our day with breathwork or meditation, we calm the chatter of our mind, we’re able to think more clearly, and bring ourselves into alignment. This helps us to act and respond from a centered place. We become more efficient and clear on what is best for us.  How often do you exercise—and what’s your workout of choice? Every day! My body feels its best when I’m power walking, especially on the beach. The rebound effect is so good for the lymph system, and grounds my energy. I also love Vinyasa Yoga. Trying very challenging poses forces me to be present. In order to achieve an arm balance or inversion in Vinyasa, it requires every ounce of your attention. It’s such a beautiful way to connect to yourself. How do you motivate yourself to work out (especially when you really don’t want to)? The feeling afterwards. I absolutely love how I feel after, and that’s always my motivation. I know how I feel if I don’t move. I’ll have less energy, and negative thoughts may slip in. Endorphins are real! They always keep me coming back for more. If you had to name your healthy diet, what would you call it? Naturally nourished. I love that the earth can support all my needs. My entire diet comes from what the earth grows to fuel our bodies. I eat plant-based and have not had any animal products since 2017. My diet is what led me on this high-vibrational path. Eating this way helps me to elevate my vibration and be receptive to meditation, and so much more.  What’s your go-to breakfast? I always start my day with warm water and lemon and a green juice. From there, it’s avocado toast! I love having it on Ezekiel bread and add any topping I’m feeling that day. Some days, it could be hummus, and some days it’s kraut, but it’s always topped with Everything But The Bagel Seasoning from Trader Joe’s!  What is your evening routine to wind down at the end of the day? Spending time with my husband, and then going straight into my skin care routine. I bring all of my serums in

4 Ways to Improve Your Mental Wellbeing Today

It probably comes as no surprise that people are increasingly, unhappy. According to the CDC as of late June, 2020, over 40 percent of U.S. adults are suffering from increased mental health issues—with a big spike in young adults, essential workers, and caregivers. People are experiencing heightened anxiety, depression, increased substance use, and elevated suicidal ideation. The report found symptoms of anxiety disorder were approximately three times higher than  the same time last year (June, 2019 vs. June, 2020)—25.5 percent versus 8.1 percent, and depressive disorder four times higher— 24 percent versus 6 percent.  The pandemic is continuing to surge with numbers rising as the cold weather begins. Restrictions and curfews are being implemented. Daycares and schools are having to close again. Just as we were getting a glimpse of normalcy, we’re having to take a step back. It’s critical for all of us to recognize that taking care of our mental health is essential at this time. Many of us are looking for something, really anything to help us find some happiness—even if that is just for a moment. And, while we can’t control what is happening on a global scale, there are some things we can do for ourselves.  Here are four science-backed ways to improve your mental wellbeing. Connect with a Friend In a recent interview, Dr. Corinna Keenmon, medical director of psychiatry at Houston Methodist Hospital said, “There are plenty of people in the same boat as you, suffering through the same challenges; and, while we can’t always be with someone in person right now, even just a phone call or video chat can help us connect.” Take a moment to call your friend or relative. You don’t have to talk about what’s bothering you. Just connecting with others, especially if you’ve been isolated for a long period of time can make a huge difference.  Take a Social Media Break Social media can be great. It can help us connect with others (as mentioned above, so important right now!). It can be a way to share photos and updates about our lives with family far away, and it can also make us laugh and inspire us to get moving (hello, dance reels!). But, it can also make people feel more isolated, self-conscious, and even angry. A Pew Research study in 2018 found 71 percent of social media users reported finding content that made them angry. “Seeing others’ curated, polished images of only happy moments or attractive photos can set up an unrealistic expectation of ourselves, and the destructive experience of constantly comparing oneself with others,” Christine Moutier, M.D., practicing psychiatrist and chief medical officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), told SELF magazine in a recent interview. Take a social break. Turn off your alerts and put the phone in a drawer (even 30 minutes can make a difference). If you’re feeling bold, delete the app from your phone for a day (or a week…we dare you!).  t’s proven to help. A 2018 study of over 100 undergrads at the University of Pennsylvania showed a reduction in loneliness and depression after 3 weeks of limiting their time on social platforms (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat) to 10 minutes a day. Reframe the Negativity It’s easy to dwell on  negativity. We can get caught up in all the “what-ifs.” But, having a positive outlook can work wonders as it relates to your health. A 2019 study revealed that people who focused on the positive in their lives had greater odds of living to over 85 years old. What’s more, they had a 35 percent less chance of suffering from a heart attack or stroke, and had a stronger immune system). The next time you find yourself going down a negative thought spiral, try these three steps: Become Aware of the Thought: Recognize the thought to understand what is happening. Some negative thoughts will pass by; but, if you start to really dwell… Ask Yourself Questions: Literally ask yourself about the thought. Is this true? How is it affecting you? What advice would you give someone if they came to you with it? Journaling is a great way to do this—it’s actually been proven to help reduce anxiety and even boost performance. Then… Come Up With New View: What can you do right now to help yourself overcome the negativity? Is there something else you can focus on that is more positive?  Focus on Sleep Studies have shown that not getting proper sleep can lead to physical problems like weakened immune systems and mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. So, getting those seven to eight hours each night is imperative.  Set up a sleep routine to help calm your busy brain at night.  5 ways to get you ready for sound sleep: Set a regular bedtime. Your body craves consistency, and you’re more likely to get enough sleep if you schedule rest like your other important tasks. At Nutritious Life, we call this practicing good sleep hygiene. Create a cutoff time for coffee (and wine): While a cup (or two) of coffee in the morning can help you feel more alert during the day, as you acclimate to an earlier wake-up time your caffeine consumption should stop around lunchtime. Otherwise, you risk not being able to fall asleep that night. The same goes for a nightly glass of wine or cocktail. If you have a glass of wine with dinner, make sure there’s a three-hour time frame between then and when you go to sleep. While alcohol might make you feel more drowsy and make it easier to fall asleep, it can take a toll on the quality of sleep you get throughout the night (which makes it harder to get up in the a.m.). Exercise. Working out can improve sleep in many ways, including relief of muscle tension. Don’t work out right before bed, though, since exercise may make you more alert. If you like, try gentle upper-body stretches to help transition into sleep.

That Bond You Have With Your BFF Goes Way Deeper Than You Think

Fascinating new research shows that you and your close friends may actually have similar brain wave patterns.