How to Focus on Self Compassion

The end of a rough winter season can sometimes cause frustration, inner criticism, and exhaustion. But instead of telling yourself: “I’ll feel better in spring,” why not start reversing this trend now. The reward will be for you, and also for your loved ones. Kristin Neff, leading researcher in self compassion, shares “Having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness. Things will not always go the way you want them to go. You will encounter frustrations, incur losses, make mistakes, bump up against your limitations, and fall short of your ideals. This is the human condition…a reality shared by all of us. The more you open your heart to this reality instead of constantly fighting against it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and all your fellow humans in the experience of life.”’ Have you made or kept many plans this year? No? We can relate. But, let’s change that. One plan you can make and keep during this intense time is your self care. Feed your spirit by quieting your inner critic, embracing mindfulness, and reinforcing your rest and recharge button. Here’s how to start now: Quiet Inner Critic You know the voice, right? It nags…“I can’t believe you said that.” Or, “You look so fat in those pants.” Or, “You’re never going to get an invite to that meeting/party/event.” The inner critic is relentless! We talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to a friend. I have heard some say that self-criticism is what motivates them. Instead, we should go with a shot of encouragement over criticism any day for lasting motivation.  Moods are directly connected to our thought patterns. If you exclusively pour in negative self-talk, criticism, and judgment, it will be difficult to feel happy or calm—which then hinders our ability to be productive and provide love to ourselves and others. I am not discounting productive criticism, but how one goes about the process is the key. Detach from harshness and embrace a more positive approach. Allowing your inner critic and negative self-talk to be in charge increases overall anxiety and depression.   Begin by noticing how often your inner voice goes in this unhelpful direction. Journaling can assist this process when you’re in a negative spiral. It can be difficult and unrealistic to jump quickly from the extreme of a negative mood to the extreme of a positive one. Start with something more neutral such as “I will figure this out”, “I am able to try a new plan”, or “I can trust myself.”  Think of how you would respond to a friend in need of a boost in confidence. Now, extend yourself the same gift. Embrace Mindfulness I know you keep seeing this recommendation over and over. The reason why you cannot get away from mindfulness meditation is simple—the research overwhelmingly supports this habit in any stress-reducing and self-care plan. Jon Kabat- Zinn, developer of MBSR (Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction), shares research stating, “There is a strong link between meditation, positive emotions, and a healthier immune system.”  I hear clients say all the time, “I can’t meditate because my mind never stops!” This is not about clearing your mind and having no thoughts. Mindfulness is about noticing, helping to break common rumination cycles we find ourselves in, and interrupting our knee-jerk reactions to life.  The goal is finding a stillness and quiet within you. You take in so much information every day.  Between the news cycle, social media, or family and friends, plan the time to sift through the noise and find your inner quiet. You make better decisions from this place, connect deeper to loved ones, and work more productively. There are numerous videos online to help you walk through a guided meditation or experiment with an app.  I like to simply set a timer on my phone for five minutes, and just sit and focus on my breath going in and out.   Reinforce rest and recharge There are many ways to go about recharging your batteries. Start with asking yourself, “What would make me feel better today?”  It is important to get in touch with how you’re truly feeling. Perhaps it’s more rest, cultivating connections with others, or extending yourself some patience which will be nurturing at that moment.  Pure isolation is not beneficial for mental health. Extend yourself some patience and grace right now. We’re all in this together, although everyone’s exact circumstance looks different. Let’s face it, all of our lives have been turned upside down. It would be abnormal for you not to feel somewhere between uneasy and completely overwhelmed. Acknowledge wherever you are today, and also acknowledge that this moment will not last forever. Author Shauna Niequist encourages us by saying, “Now I know that the best thing I can offer this world is not my force or energy, but a well-tended spirit, and a wise and brave soul.”  If you can tweak a few of your daily practices to tend to your spirit, not only will you be brave to face the day, but it will be contagious to those around you to do the same.   (Image: Shutterstock)

Use this Natural Practice to Become More Grounded

Excerpted from Ritual Baths (2020) by Deborah Hanecamp, reprinted with author’s permission. Earth, North, Summer, Taurus Tea Pairing: Nettle, Red Clover, Rose, and Dandelion Tea Even if they live in the middle of a big city, people who have a green aura will always find a way to stay connected to nature. Because they are filled with so much empathy, they often need to escape into nature to ground and let the soft winds, water, and earth cleanse their spirits. Even a simple house plant on a windowsill of your midtown walk-up can remind you what you know to be inherently true: You are nature! The earth is your body, the wind is your breath, the water is your blood, and the fire is your spirit. The reason you may connect to crystals is because they speak to the minerals in your body and remind you that you, too, are a part of this beautiful Earth. We take care of our bodies the same way we take care of the Earth. When you are going through a phase of eating unhealthfully and skipping workouts, watch and see if you are also buying more plastic and engaging in other practices that harm the Earth. The more we can realize that we are nature, the more we can take care of her. RELATED: 5 Incredible, Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation When we talk about getting grounded, what we are really talking about is returning to the source, returning to the truth of where we come from, returning to the earth. This bath is designed to help us to remember the truth of who we are. Follow this bath with a walk outside.   Ingredients Red clay, mixed with bentonite clay and graviola powder, nettle leaf powder, or matcha 1 cup black lava salt 1 cup pink rose petals 1 bunch of fresh rosemary 10 drops each of rose and rosemary essential oils All of your non-water-soluble crystals   Ritual Mix clay and plant powders with spring water to create a thick paste. Cover your body head to toe with the mixture. If you have the luxury, go outside naked, covered in the mixture. Stand in the sun. When the paste begins to dry, rub it off your body. It will create a fine, very exfoliating dust. Notice how grounding and awakening this practice is. If you cannot go outside naked and covered in green mud because your neighbors will be convinced that the zombie apocalypse is here, then prepare your bath while you’re letting the mixture dry. Place all the other ingredients in the bath at a temperature of your choosing. Light a candle. Create a smudge using white sage by putting it in a nonflammable tray of some kind and igniting it. Waft the smoke around your body using a feather you have found. Step into the bath and dunk your head underwater. Place the crystals on your body wherever your intuition is guided to place them. Sing this song (original author unknown): Earth my body. Water my blood. Wind my breath. And fire my spirit. Take ten deep, grounding breaths. Sit and soak in the medicine you’ve created.   Excerpted from Ritual Baths (2020) by Deborah Hanecamp, reprinted with author’s permission. Mama Medicine is Deborah Hanekamp – The author of the bestselling book Ritual Baths and widely known as “fashion’s favorite healer” (Vogue Magazine). Mama Medicine facilitates Medicine Readings all over the world. These ceremonies integrate two decades of experience. At the end of every Medicine Reading, Deborah prescribes a Ritual Bath. Her empowering work along with her unique aesthetic and approachable personality, have garnered Mama Medicine tens of thousands of global followers and features in major press outlets. In a world of gurus and self-help, Mama Medicine encourages us to be our own healer and helps us connect to the true master within us all: the power of love. Follow Deborah @MamaMedicine

Intuitive Eating: How Tuning Your Relationship with Food Can Change Your Life Forever

Excerpted from Burning Bright: Rituals, Reiki + Self-Care to Heal Burnout, Anxiety and Stress by Kelsey J. Patel, reprinted with author’s permission. Copyright © 2020 by Kelsey J. Patel. I’m someone who loves to eat. I will regularly have a pizza with my kids or a dinner out with friends with wine and dessert, but I also know when my body is craving clean, natural food or I need a break from overindulging. Sometimes I can tell I just need to keep things simpler. I’ve learned to do this through intuitive eating. Here’s how you can try this natural way of tuning your relationship with food.   Every time you are ready to eat, sit quietly for a moment before eating even one bite. Remind yourself there is no rush. Close your eyes. Focus on your breath. Get to a calm space, then gently ask your body: What is the best meal for my body right now? RELATED: Mealtime Meditation: 15 Minutes for Mindful Eating Wait for the answer. You might also ask: Will this food nourish me right now? Wait for the answer. Remind yourself that there is no rush. When you have an answer, open your eyes and, maintaining a feeling of inner peace and calm, prepare your meal. If the answer is that you don’t need food right now, ask your body: What do I really need or want right now? You may feel that your mind wants a distraction from something you’ve been procrastinating about or don’t want to do, you’re seeking some sort of reward, or you are trying to avoid facing or admitting to a feeling. Notice what it feels like beneath that false hunger. If you determine that the cause is something other than real hunger, stay in this place of focus and self-care. Let yourself take time to find an answer. Do you need to feel a feeling instead of pushing it down? RELATED: The Step-by-Step Guide to Mindful Eating This is something to work on over time. It might feel difficult at first, but know that whenever you give in to the urge to eat when you aren’t really hungry—but just don’t want to feel your feelings—you will reinforce the message that food is an emotional crutch, rather than the beautiful, vibrant source of physical energy it really is. Instead of eating when you aren’t hungry, turn to any of the practices in this or the next two chapters (or any of the rituals in part 3). Excerpted from Burning Bright: Rituals, Reiki + Self-Care to Heal Burnout, Anxiety and Stress by Kelsey J. Patel, reprinted with author’s permission. Copyright © 2020 by Kelsey J. Patel.   Kelsey Patel is one of LA’s leading wellness and reiki experts, and an expert in burnout. A spiritual coach, Reiki master, and wellness expert, Kelsey has helped thousands struggling with burnout and anxiety. Kelsey worked on Capitol Hill in the U.S. Senate for 4.5 years and as Director of crisis PR for a Fortune 500 company for several years prior to discovering Reiki as a last resort for her stress-induced back pain. Kelsey’s own journey has led her to help many others find balance and burn bright instead of burning out.  Her teachings and practices, along with private client work to some of Hollywood’s biggest names, have been highlighted in various publications such as The New York Times, Reader’s Digest, US Weekly, SELF Magazine, Bustle, Well + Good, Marie Claire, GOOP, the Chalkboard Magazine and more. Her public workshops, corporate seminars and private coaching are all aimed at helping people bring joy, balance, fulfillment and purpose to their daily lives and work.  She is previously the owner of Pure Barre Beverly Hills, where she learned first hand the intricacies of owning and operating a business. She is now the owner of the Magik Vibes product line, and host of the podcast of the same name. She is also the co-host of the podcast Breakup With Your Bullshit, alongside Ryan Weiss. Her first book, Burning Bright: Rituals, Reiki + Self-Care to Heal Burnout, Anxiety and Stress, released on April 28, 2020 and is available now. 

5 Incredible, Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation

Improved self-esteem AND sleep? Time to sit in silence.

The Best Way to Deal With Difficult People in Your Life

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These Smart Strategies Will Help You Manage Stress

By Elisa Haggarty for Parsley Health Chronic stress is associated with every chronic disease. It lays the foundation for hormone imbalance and inflammation. According to the American Psychological Association, 75% of adults reported experiencing moderate to high levels of stress in the past month. Nearly half reported that their stress has increased in the past year. These days there are entire wellness centers and weeklong health retreats designed to help us lower our stress levels and feel more balanced. I’m all for a relaxing getaway, but perhaps we won’t need to escape as much from our busy lives if we adopt these 5 effective ways to manage stress. RELATED: Schedule a free conversation with a Parsley Health expert to learn about our comprehensive approach to a stress reduction. 1. Stop trying to get rid of stress! Once I accepted that there will always be some form of external “stress” in my life, I relaxed into the journey and let go of how things “should be.” Over the years I’ve rewired my brain to view challenges as opportunities, which has created a ripple effect in my life that has had immeasurable benefit in my personal and professional life. 2. Understand when stress is being sneaky. In my work as a Functional Nutritionist, I teach people that stress isn’t just emotional. People often say, “but I don’t feel stressed.” Yet the crazy thing is that your body is always communicating with you. Weight loss resistance, psoriasis flare-ups, and headaches are warning signs that your body is under stress. Blood sugar spikes, nutrient deficiencies, and unmanaged autoimmunity will initiate a stress response in the body. So be on the lookout. RELATED: Work with one of our doctors at Parsley Health to help you identify warning signs of chronic stress. 3. Do a digital detox. I’ll admit, cute kitten videos and stories of triumph on the Internet are a refreshing and uplifting. But unfortunately, our digital addiction is causing unintended stress. Embrace weaving a digital detox into your weekly routine by going for walks and plan a picnic date with friends. Nature has an incredible ability to get us grounded and activate our parasympathetic nervous system. When our parasympathetic nervous system is activated, we replenish energy stores, digest our food better, and lower inflammation. 4. Ask for help. I finally realized I didn’t have to conquer everything by myself. Saving face and “pushing through” was exhausting and only added more stress to my life. There is nothing heroic about trying to do it all alone. In fact, two of the greatest ingredients for a long healthy life are community and humility. Most importantly, when I stepped up and asked for help during times of stress, I empowered others to help me, and in turn, helped them feel valued and fulfilled. 5. Dance. Moving your body to the rhythm of music has incredible effects for mood, brain function, and even digestion! Music and movement call upon every region of the brain to move in rhythm with the beat, maintain balance and remember steps. Dance also allows us to get out of fight or flight and activates our parasympathetic nervous system, which is where digestion thrives. When we allow ourselves to move freely we release much of the tension and worry that drags us down throughout the week. When the music stops, we are refreshed and more balanced in dealing with whatever life throws our way. Stress is our friend; it presents an opportunity for growth and a shift in habit formation. Lucky for us we get the chance to work with it each and every day. This piece was originally published on Parsley Health. Parsley Health is a groundbreaking medical practice of highly trained doctors and health coaches in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco. Parsley Health takes a smarter, whole approach to helping you live a healthy life. You deserve a better doctor. Sign up here to speak to a health expert to figure out how Parsley Health can help you achieve your goals today.