13 Ways To Boost Communication with Your Partner

Over the past year, research has found more couples struggling and breakups happening far more than ever. Many of us are juggling more responsibilities around the house and often use up every minute of the day for work, kids and maybe a little self care (if we are lucky!). Even though we may be spending more time together, the quality time is often lacking and frustrations are more likely to increase.  We all know that one of the most important aspects of a relationship is communication. Talking to your significant other feels like something that should be natural. Yet, it is a common struggle among couples. But, are we truly communicating about what matters? Briefly asking about their day, requesting they pick up milk, or scheduling your family affairs is technically communication. But, we didn’t choose to be with this person because we wanted an assistant or someone to help with chores. We chose them because we love them.  When stress is heightened, it’s easy for communication to break down and for intimacy to be pushed aside from the relationship. If your partner doesn’t know there is an issue, you can’t work together to resolve it. If they don’t know you’re not feeling loved, needing space, or desiring a little more affection, they won’t try.  We asked leading relationship experts to talk about ways we can strengthen our bonds, open up the dialogue with our partners, and even rekindle a dulled spark.  Match Your Inner and Outer Dialogue If you’re thinking angry and expressing nice…believe me, your partner is “hearing” the angry loud and clear.  And then, you’re confused as to why they’re acting defensive! Instead, be clear about your needs and be willing to negotiate. You don’t want to have to be a mindreader. If you’re sensing a problem, give the person permission to express it. If you need something, ask.  —Laura Day, New York Times bestselling author and practicing intuitive Define The Level of Affection You Need Some people just aren’t that affectionate. There are many degrees of affection. One partner might feel they are being affectionate, and their partner still feels starved for affection. This is an area where you need to reach a happy medium. Affection is part of what sets you apart from just being roommates. You need to communicate your need for more affection the way you would any other need. Ask your partner what affection looks like to them and try doing more of what they ask for in a relationship. Affection is what makes some people feel valued and loved, so it’s very important to be on the same page and make strides to meet their needs. Check in with your partner to see if what you are doing is working for them as well.   —Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking.  You are 100% responsible for your own satisfaction in your relationship (in and out of the bedroom), so don’t wait around waiting for your partner to read your mind—initiate. Go for what you want.  —Dr. Gertrude Lyons, MA, MA, EdD Show Interest in Your Partner It may sound obvious, but it’s really not. When you’re struggling to actually listen to your partner, especially when they’re talking about something mundane or boring (and your brain is already busy!), focus on something you love about them. Find the place within yourself where you can really listen to what your partner says simply because they are saying something! I often have to look at how beautiful my husband’s face is, or how lovely his voice is when he is telling me about some TV show I could care less about. Inform yourself about their day, and then ask them about it. Show your pride and investment in their life. We often know what our partner is going to say, but let them say it and really listen. Connection is everything. —Laura Day RELATED: 5 Everyday Habits To Boost Your Sex Life Get Frustrated Energy Out Creatively If you’re feeling annoyed at your partner, go play a sport or take a yoga class to get the stagnant or frustrated energy out. When you remove yourself from the current situation (or even just the room), you can take a moment to notice if it’s really about what you think you’re annoyed about, or if there may be other circumstances at play. Remember, it’s important to give him/her the benefit of the doubt. Are you assuming your partner has the best possible intentions? How might you feel differently if you did? —Vanessa Ringel, founder of GRAVITĀS Check-in  In the morning over coffee or at the end of the evening, ask each other how you’re feeling about the day. What are the challenges? Can you tackle a chore so they can go for a much-needed run in the neighborhood? Can they help clear your schedule for some uninterrupted alone time? You can have these kinds of conversations at any time of day. It’s about finding connection and emotional intimacy each and every day.  —Monica Berg, author of Rethink Love and host of Spiritually Hungry Podcast Be Vulnerable  Romance in a marriage doesn’t need to die; however, the idea and expectation of what romance means does. Responsibilities, routine, and everyday stressors are inevitable. It is very easy when entering a marriage to expect love and romance and have those intoxicating early-relationship hormones keep raging. Vulnerability is actually the key to rekindling romance. When we’re seeking vulnerability and its byproduct, genuine connection, we aren’t looking for excitement. Choosing to take a break from your everyday routine with a date night or a staycation is a wonderful way to infuse excitement and mystery. Take that time to foster an appreciation for all the reasons your relationship is already wonderful, and build upon them. Sharing our past fears, embarrassments, and experiences requires an openness that each couple should try to create between each other. It’s not always an easy task. The more you open up to your partner and

5 Surprising, Research-Backed Tips for Better Sex

Get inspired to jump into bed by just a few of the many research studies that shed light on surprising ways to boost your sex life. (Thanks, science!)